Abandoned by my Buddy
Level three happened a week after level two so I signed up for that. I gave a woman a ride to the workshop from my home in Marin and in part because I did not like the abruptness of the last two experiences, I asked if she would be my lover and my buddy on Friday night. She said yes. We made love on Friday night, again without any safe-emotional conversation. Then she decided on Saturday to have sex with two other men. Then another one on Sunday. And after bonding with her emotionally and wanting to feel close and that my feelings were cared for, she never asked how I felt, what I needed or told me that as my buddy she would be leaving me to sort this new world out. Then she was not always available as my buddy and I had no one to talk to about this experience. It was all happening too fast. I had no idea that there were women who, when they wanted to be lovers, just did not care about feelings. The last two women had been the opposite, reinforcing the need for a safe-emotional conversation prior to sex.
Questions: What information, care and thoughtfulness would it take to prepare two students in a workshop prior to facilitating their sexual union, so that both people had a 95% or more probability of feeling cared for, seen, respected and loved before, during and after a sexual experience?
Concern: Peter Rengel has started writing his own books. I've written ten books since these first workshops in 1993. Yet to my knowledge no one has documented these highly probable occurrences and cared enough to prepare the HAI workshop participant to take care of their emotional well-being. This does not seem hard. My first three lover experiences within the community see me feeling emotional pain in 100% of cases without the skill to anticipate these outcomes or communicate effectively. Yet had there been a simple PDF that talked about these things, such as an e-book with a suggestion to read, I would have happily read it and been prepared. This does not seem loving, and in an emotionally abusive and illiterate culture these traumas, confusions and pains do not seem that abnormal. Yet they are not loving, or healthy. They show an unhealthy degree of ignorance and dishonor for the feminine side of both the man and the woman. My greater concern, given that not one of my suggestions for improving participant safety has been pro-actively embraced or ever asked about to my knowledge is that without this website I anticipate that this idea, like all the others would be shunted aside as "not a HAI priority." Since I would gladly write such a book myself in less than a month and give it away to all HAI participants the question is not time or money. Is it control? Is it shame at the truth of HAI's level of chauvinism? What is it that is so much more important than our emotional health that leads to suppressing such obvious information at all levels of our culture, including HAI?
Suing For Best Practices at HAI
