Suing For Best Practices at HAI
When I shared a document confidentially I wrote to make sense of the experience, Anne Shared it with Jason without asking me.
No one asked what my "win" was.
No one said what HAI or anyone else's "win," was, insuring there would be no win/win.
When I pointed this out, Jason asked mine, did not say his, and promptly ignored every "win" that would take any time or money, showing that there was no "commitment."
When I asked the facilitators to commit to reading/responding to my e-mails they said they would not do it.
After his apology Peter Sandhill told me for the fourth time: "I'm really clear this has nothing to do with me."
Peter insisted that he loved me in all this.
The impact I stated was never owned or apologized for by a single facilitator.
When I asked Peter S. to help the other facilitators apologize in the way that he had, he agreed, then changed his mind.
Sarah S. made an attempt but did not address 30% of the areas I had asked her and all the facilitators to address.
Sarah never replied to my anger and hurt that she omitted what I clearly stated as her impact.
Upon hearing my unhappiness, Anne Watts told me that she loved me more than anyone else than her family. Yet she never asked me how loved I felt or what I needed to feel loved.
Anne implied that Peter really was changing and did love me but that I could not see it.
The facilitators without warning or explanation terminated my HAI accounts to communicate with all of the community. When I tried to request a cuddle buddy to help me through this period the e-mail bounced back for the first time in 12 years. I could not sign into any list.
I disengaged with the facilitators without giving them another chance to betray or let me down. It has been three years. I recently asked Jason to hire ethical consultants to review these events for the safety of all concerned. He replied: "There is a field, beyond right doing and wrong doing, I'll meet you there," but dodged the request, saying "We are all in an undefended place." I cannot imagine a more comprehensive defense of an organization hiding it's shame, incompetence and cowardice in the symptoms of their participants. I have stated that I will sue the organization and facilitators for the best practices that participants deserve. This website is part of that project. I requested that each facilitator communicate with any therapeutic clients about this so that they are not traumatized, shocked and confused by hearing about a lawsuit from an outside source.
To be treated this way by four of my therapists, my entire community leadership and a facilitator I fell in love with under the influence of the drugs he prescribed has been shocking beyond what I have ever known. The ripple effects stopped a house project, used up savings, incurred debt, addiction and physical, emotional and mental collapse. It is a good protocol for shame, trauma, loneliness and insanity. I am beating those odds with an enormous effort and am coming back. I think it's clear from the three waves of abuse: Peter in 1993, again the same pattern twelve years later, and again the same pattern of shame/denial and blame the client by the entire facilitator body that this group of people will kill their clients if necessary to avoid their shadow. That's normal, but it's not good practice for leaders of an organization dedicated to Human Awareness. Why have I dealt with more shadow coming from professional teachers of Human Awareness and Love than any other people in the HAI community?
Peter told me he viewed my behavior as blackmail and encouraged me to stop it.
When I apologized to Peter and told him that "not all of this is you," he agreed, did not apologize or move towards me, but encouraged me to stop black-mailing him.
I was never offered therapy or support despite communicating absolute misery in this period.
When I refused to pay her to repair the abuses Peter S. had caused as a result of her recommending him to me, she asked him to pay.
Peter complained to me that $2,000. is about all I can afford, after telling me that he spent $16,000 painting his interior office yellow, had three family vacations, made $900. an hour with one of his clients and had private energy classes, piano lessons and in every way pampered himself. Yet "your safety is worth $2,000. to me." That was true, but insulting.
When no one apologized for anything I said I would sue HAI for their impact. Then they apologized for "We are sorry you had such a bad childhood."
Peter S. repeatedly broke his agreement to respond by a certain time and tell me when that would be, re-triggering abandonment.
When I asked for an apology, all but Peter S. ignored me.
After apologizing for a long list of mistakes, Peter S. did not offer a refund for the abuse I had paid for or any form of compensation or referral.
When Anne Watts was tasked by the facilitators to mediate this while pretending it was "Not a HAI issue" she wanted money from me to do so.
My Healing
(continued)
No one did anything about the fact that I said I could not drive safely.
I was treated as an inconvenience to be fit into busy facilitator schedules.
No one made it their business to find out what had gone on.
Anne Watts told me "Don't write to Jason Weston - he's busy."
I was made to feel like a burden.
I communicated that my symptoms were escalating 500%. Not a single facilitator replied.
I was told by Jason Weston that "This is not a HAI issue," doubling my trauma.
Anne Watts did not believe me and offered little emotional empathy until I proved it to her by playing parts of the 10 hour recording with Peter S.
Anne discouraged me when I said I wanted to tell the community, saying it was "Better for you and Peter if no one knows. We are not even telling the HAI office."
A protocol was designed by all of the facilitators to respond to this without including me or telling me what it was.
Felicia and Anne pretended that they were "helping me" from the "goodness of their hearts," but affirmed that this was "Not a HAI issue," making me feel like a burden.
Felicia overrode my request to lead the hour she insisted on hosting, saying that she would give equal time to Peter and me, as if we were a feuding couple.
The request to be fully heard and held by someone was never responded to by a single facilitator.
Felicia facilitated space with me on the phone in which he vented intense anger, fear, disgust and rejection of me in all ways and in all areas.
This behavior left my symptoms getting worse by the day, but to keep the secret, none of the team or community were asked to help.
I was not referred to a trauma therapist.
I was not told that I was in trauma suffering from abuse.
He wrote to me: "I'm very clear that this has nothing to do with me."
This left me alone, in grief, in shock, in trauma and feeling completely abandoned, unwanted and punished for Peter's inability to show up, admit mistakes, be kind or help me integrate what was still an intense energy opened up by his insistence of high multiple drug protocol.
When grief exploded one day while driving Peter S. did not respond to my frantic e-mail.
When I wrote to the facilitator body asking to be held and listened to no one called or showed up.
I was not invited to the meeting they held to discuss it.
Peter S. told me he would never trust me again for the rest of this lifetime.
Jason Weston contacted me to thank me for not going to the police but offered no support.
I was not invited to the meeting they held to discuss this. Peter S. was.
I was pressured by Peter S. to help him keep his job before I got any of the support I needed.
I asked Peter S. to listen to me for 12 hours so I could explain all that was happening. He went to the meeting I was not invited to instead.
